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The Smart Grid

Published on February 17, 2009

Up early on a cold morning you head downstairs to turn the heat up a notch and are surprised to find the thermostat 10 degrees below where you had last set it. Each attempt to raise the temperature on the thermostat is met with beeps. Just as you begin to mouth "What the ..." the phone rings. Picking up you are greeted by an automated, gender neutral voice:

GNV: Dear sir or madam, our records indicate that you have attempted to consume more than your allotted amount of energy for the week.

GNV: Over-consumption is not permitted at this time.

GNV: Your temperature has been lowered to a comfortable and sustainable level.

GNV: You have 1 day, 3 hours, and 33 minutes until you may return to your wasteful ways.

Click.

Pain Beam Weapons For Homeland Police

Published on December 30, 2008

Thanks to a decision by the Pentagon in 2007 to not deploy their Active Denial System in Iraq, unwilling Iraqi test subjects were spared the further insult, indignity, and humiliation of possibly having their insides heated while sitting in their homes.

Senior officers in Iraq have continued to make the case. One December 2006 request noted that as U.S. forces are drawn down, the non-lethal weapon "will provide excellent means for economy of force."

MRI Records Brain Activity During Super Bowl Commercials

Published on February 8, 2007

While in line at the grocery store checkout, the racks of magazines and candy conjure up images of monkeys with electrodes implanted in their brains. Researchers flash color cards and observe and record brain activity. The result of that poking and prodding is the colorful display laid out in front of my captive eyes.

I now find myself craving over-processed, diabetes inducing edible substances. Worse yet, I'm beginning to care about some pop culture creation that I obviously need to know more about.